psyched out Can anybody suggest some good self healing type of meditation techniques or something like that to address being psyched out during sex. My wife and I have gone through alot of marital issues and while we seem to have come through them and are doing well i find myself very worried about my sexual performance, desires, kinks, etc. I am very much in love with her but some really bad things were said and it hit me very deeply. I am beginning to try simple meditation daily to try to release these emotional hangers-on but it is slow going and my performance is slipping and my wife is entering into a very horny stage of her life, we have had our first threesome this weekend. i did great in most ways, I fucked them both very well, they both came multiple times, but I could not cum at all and then just lost my hard on altogether. This happens when its just my wife and I too. I gotta find a way to get back to my old self, which was hard, energetic, and full of cum, shooting 11 times in a 24 hr period once, just before our marital problems started. i am turning 42 next month and understand aging but its such a dramatic change that I just know something is wrong, in my head.

I'm sorry you two have been through a storm, but, happy that you've committed to working it out. Question for you...is it a great idea to mix other people into your sex life before you two get your feet on the ground?

thanks. of course your question is very valid and i can only say that we have been talking about bringing other people into our sex life for a couple years now. wise or not i am not sure, it is just what we have both always wanted and part of our healing is to become the people we want to be, which for her is basiy a "slut" like me. We both felt closer to each other than we have for awhile after the threesome was all over, and the other woman left, we fucked again and i came very intensely inside her. Any advice on beating my internal mind fuck?

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its very much her wish and her words. i have always known about this side of her. our problems started when i tried to introduce soft domination (switch). The weird thing was that she has never been so wet (ever), as when we talk about the fantasy of having other lovers. maybe its me, maybe i really dig the fantasy and thought I was that kind of guy but when she responded so intensely with how she feels about it, maybe i got scared and felt (still feel) not enough for her. oh shit, ya think?

But see, I can't guess. That's too dangerous. I don't know you! I don't know her, and I don't know how youinteract. Those are all great questions to ask, of course. I'd mull them over, AND talk about them with her. It's hard enough to know your own mind, or to know your lover's mind. It's just not reasonable to expect strangers on an internet forum, with a few paragraphs of information from onlyparty, to know what's going on. It IS helpful to write it all out and look at it, though, and a forum can be a great place for that. Just remember that we're a sounding board. We don't have "the answer."